Tough roles – an actors excerpt
So, being an actor is actually pretty hard work.
I learned this in kindergarten. I was drawing a picture of what I wanted to be when I grew up (a film star, of course). I must admit, it was a smashing depiction: long blonde hair, a fabulous red sequin dress, VERY high heels and to top off the ensemble, a lovely purple feather boa. I learned being an actor would be pretty hard work, because I had to share the purple crayon with the little boy who wanted to be a dentist. (Sometimes, it’s best not to ask questions–)
However, now that I’m (mostly) grown-up, I have come to realize that it’s really pretty difficult to find facets of myself in the characters I play. It's like playing a treasure hunt in your soul for something that you hope is there, but may not be. Sometimes, you find the treasure you are looking for, but other times… in this particular case (I’m playing a solider accused of abusing prisoners of war), it’s really REALLY hard!
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First of all, I have no idea what it is like to be in the military. I have spent a lot of time reading, watching war films (GI Jane was really pretty great! What’s not to love about a totally ripped Demi Moore?!) and chatting with people who had enlisted. I was pretty amazed at some of the stories I ran across: there are several accounts of immense valor and bravery–it almost made me want to enlist myself. Of course, I came to my senses before signing on the dotted line–
Secondly, I have no idea what it is like to inflict physical abuse. I have never been in a fight. I have never struck another human being with my bare fist. (I have been a student of Tae Kwon Do, so I have done a little bit of sparring, but HEAVILY padded–so really, I feel that doesn’t count, especially since punches were pulled). Where does the urge for violence come from?
But, the bottom line is, it doesn’t matter if I have actually experienced it or not. What matters is if I can convey the mental anguish and guilt of the character.
That’s hard.